Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. Live with the soul crushing guilt you earned, or lose your BF. Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. he said if i started making out with another girl, hed be into it, but if i started getting carried away and disappearing with :-). But we can get through it together if you are truley remoreseful. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. I have never done anything like this before and truly would never again. Thank you soulmate,but I'm getting over those issues. As time elapsed, I realized that I was attracted to him and this began to concern me. One way to alleviate guilt is by taking action. You kissed a guy - Possibly unforgivable. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. Because guilt typically occurs in "micro-bursts" of brief signals, we often underestimate the rather significant role it plays in our daily lives. On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. But the guilt is killing me. This one by far has lasted the longest. But living a lie would be so much worse. One way to get over the guilt would be to prove to yourself that it will never happen again. Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)? Tell boyfriend another guy tried to kiss me? - GirlsAskGuys You reap what you sow. I then suddenyly realised what I was doing and burst into tears, telling him I could not do this to my boyfriend and then called a taxi and left. (PS: These 'recent issues' of yours. (Sorry you got cheated on. I felt disorientated. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. It really depends on the dynamics of your relationship though. Being an authentic partner and holding back secrets does not seem to go well together. WORK. It was the most thrilling feeling I ever had watching my wife kiss and make out with another guy. California coastal beeches will leave you saying -America not too shabby.. Can't take anything from South of France-doesn't everybody go there? I enjoy watching my wife with other men, is this normal or - Health24 This post is probably the most intelligent and insightful posts Ive seen on this site. I'm dating this guy and have been for about 2 months. Because telling him something that you regret and will never do again is doing exactly that. Pointer much appreciated, though. The planet won't stop revolving around the Sun if you don't tell him. "and though he immediately pulled away". I think they all count as cheating and I'm not sure it's necessary to make a distinction. I have posted a vent and been waiting for your scathing reply. But please seperate the issues. If I ws on ur place I would never have told him because he loves me so much and respect me so much and really trust me like anything and if you are guilty and try to relieve ur guilt by telling him still doesn't prove to be beneficial for you and other than that it creates a doubt in his heart that would be very mych lowering The respect he has in his heart for you. Do you want to end you marriage? There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. You cheated. Now that you got drunk, you feel justified in kissing that person because you got drunk and couldnt help yourself. Except with other truth-seekers. I regret waiting so long to tell him.-2 months. You even said it indirectly in your story, when said you decided to get drunk. Again I could go on with this subject,and I undoubtedly will. With the other woman just across the room! Helping ppl have the sex life they truly want thru writing & education. Hi SoulMate! ;-p Any advice guys? Yesterday night we went out to drink. Or do I? After all she did say that the kiss lasted for maybe 5 minutes. Bad things happen.Yes.but wat i d recomnd u is NEVER EVER tell him ! Don't have an account? in my opinion I don't see why you would feel guilty you did nothing . I felt sick! ;-) Houston, this team needs to rectify the causes or agree to seek outside help in it whilst this one team member needs to atone for having almost embarked on a hurtful and potentially damaging test unilaterally without her teammate's consent. We are together 12 years altogether and although I had boyfriends before him, it was never serious, and he is the only man I've ever slept with. If a man or woman were genuine in asking for forgiveness. (works every time :-p) You just never, ever know. stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. I've noticed that other threads here haven't lasted very long. I cant trust you anymore., You think that having too much to drink made it all right for you to kiss ______? 4 days ago. We have only been seeing each other for the past two months and I dont want his mind racing with bad thoughts. To submit your vote please sign in or sign up, it is free and takes a few seconds. Should find time to respond tomorrow. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. I could go on about a lot of things here. Because I already had some unresolved feelings for this guy and I let him kiss me and used the fact that I was drunk as an excuse. the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' v5.00a - 0.32607s [RUM] 2023-03-03 02:57:10. response. (Ta-daaaa!) "I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses." It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name. However one night a boy kissed me and I kissed him back. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Already have an account? SA you have got it- it is more the "what's behind it" than what happened. An innocent kiss usually involves getting so plastered that you lose your inhibitions and someone tries to kiss you and you return the kiss. I'm mortified. Nooooo, surely not. Okay. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' I'm so confused. With the other woman just across the room! My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. ;-) (Awlthough, dang naace trah, they-yer, at tryin-a git' me ter disclows mah gendah. Why would you want to do that? How To Cope With Guilt When You Hurt Someone In A Relationship You want me to go on a comma and replace her. But, listen, I don't want to turn this thread into a general chit-chat one. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. It sounds like you are projecting your own fears onto him. If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. The problem is soulmate if I mentioned some of the things that happened in another in another thread. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. I dont know what else to do. A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Hey sweetie my Name is Jilian I have a boyfriend as well and we have been dating for 3 months, I have had past relationships that have gone on for 11 months, I have cheated on my past boyfriend andi felt so terrible andi was in the same situation as you are, sweetie i know how you feel. I'm asking myself all sorts of questions like did I like him, is that why I did it? Way to make someone who, already understands and feels terrible guilt for what they've done, feel chronically worse. I too stand by my post as well-doing what is right as it relates to this issue is hardly ever the path taken. I'm going to be the best wife I can be going forward. What if they were married? He has morals. As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. This thread has expired - why not start your own? It takes to heal the wounded trust again. reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): A I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. Feeling guilt when dumping the guy : r/datingoverthirty Team spirit is this: I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: Married and I kissed another manshould I tell him? - Page 2 He is my workmate also. ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! I was devastated. I am sure this girl knows he is married. Your guilt is your punishment. I'm trying - with the utmost seriousness and sincerity - to advise you to keep your relationship rap-sheet completely squeaky clean. I told him later that I thought it was misunderstood and apologized. I think you already knew what you wanted to do, your husband was not home, saw an opportunity, and wanted to use being drunk as a cover story. When Having A Crush While In A Relationship Is OK (And When - HuffPost If it were my husband, I would be upset too, because that would be so out of character for the man I know. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. Its hard to know what to say, especially if youre fuzzy about what happened. But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions It ended up leading to a follow-up video of straight girls kissing other girls for the first time. I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. Talk to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to see them kissing. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. Just trying to keep the pot stirred,the fire burning. My husband always encouraged me to pursue music, and, when I told him that this guy wanted to give me advanced piano lessons, my husband was in favor of this. Before delving into my own personal story, Id like to address this subject generally. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? What should I do. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you it's okay. Seriously. Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. He kissed another woman | Talk About Marriage That's what it takes to have a Grade A romance that never dies. You have no right to unburden your conscience at the expense of your partners happiness. I didnt tell him. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Later, he tried to make out and I said no because I felt it was wrong.I told him I needed a uber. Becoz misunderstanding happn somtym and do miracles/ And ya most imp if u both want kids u shud adopt one. He was so drunk himself that he started singing I Love Paris and, in the middle of the song, he said in a gruff voice, You wanna kiss me? Because just as everyone else is saying, if you did the RIGHT thing, you shouldn't feel guilty. Despite their passion during the kiss. i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. That is what separates the women from the girls. But you can control whether you nurture the crush or acknowledge it and move on. So it looks as if we're suddenly at crossed-purposes, then. You'll have to accept it, face up to it, and put it behind you. Can you tthan please explain this? (SK, that award doesn't exist. "I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'" Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. If the reaction is strong, then maybe dont say anything. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls videowere all shocked at how gentle and non-aggressive female kissers were, in comparison to guys. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. It's not that big of a deal anyway and you aren't going to do it again. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. Are you sure you didnt have sex with him/her? No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. I kissed another man four years ago. In the end you're the one who knows your boyfriend and whether he would like to know about something like that or not. And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. The drunk part won't matter to him because his mind will only think about the kiss. Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content. We were not drunk. So what do you think? he said the situations arent at all the same bc he doesnt feel turned on by me kissing another guy the way i do from a male on male kiss. The other day, I had a first with my partner Flo: I put my tongue in another man's mouth while he stood by only to observe. "but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. " Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. In Jung's theory, the anima makes up the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and the animus the masculine ones possessed by a woman. My piano instructor came over once a week, usually on a Saturday when my husband was home. I don't know if he wants to still be friends with her on FB or not. So, you went to a party and everyone was drinking. Please help. I'm disgusted with myself to think I would do that after just the tiniest bit of attention and flattery. When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. Thank you. Things have gone a fair way beyond ideal but you aren't a silly school girl after your first taste of wine. As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. But for me, it was. I can't stop playing it over again and again. What should I do. Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). It's wonderful that you even wanted to kiss someone! This. However for the next time please be careful and never do such a blunder because he's a gem and you should not lose him just for your stupid or foolish acts .i mean any sophisticated or a ONE MAN WOMAN (a proud title for me :) and hopflly for u too ) wont like to stress her relatn or leave a man whom she loves or take him in a position where he might leave ? And Ill tell you why by first giving you some context the back. drunk, kissing. find me on and follow me on. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. I am giving him space to think. The way I see things, there are innocent kisses, which occur when a person had too much to drink, and then there are guilty kisses, which are precipitated by getting drunk. [1] you didn't foresee and avoid being in that predicament. Kissed another man. Distraught by my feelings. | Mumsnet - GET THE FUCK OUT. "what the hell where we at?" For the last two years have read a lot about infidelity. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. Where were you hiding it - up your sleeve? SOULMATE NO URGE :-8 I'm sensing nose in the air LOL You must see The Grand Canyon, New York- Theater/Art so much raw talent, Cheaters remorse. Kissed another man four years ago and NOW feeling guilty. Lee.. you are too funny. Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego? Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? You can't fake that . How do I get rid of this guilt feeling of kissing a guy when I was reader, Ellis Mac+, writes (25 October 2005): A female You were no exception. By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. Why don't I feel guilty for kissing another guy? - Quora I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. Yup. What did she say? If he forgave you, then it sounds like he accepted that it was a mistake, that you won't do it again and has moved on. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. I am biased and do hold strong views because my XH cheated. Hence - two aims for the price of one act: psychological fertility treatment + attention and affection. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). I was dating thus guy for 6 months and he stopped calling and texting. She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. Being drunk is never a "reason" for cheating. 14 Effective Ways To Get Over The Guilt Of Cheating - A Conscious Rethink We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. I cannot tell you how much I love my boyfriend and how shocked I am about this. I have no idea who the girl is. So she told him for starters to kiss her well you know where. We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. I Kissed Another Guy When I Was Drunk, Should I Tell My Boyfriend? All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. Any help or advise would be much appreciated. We've been together a lot of today for various reasons, we've talked a little but as of right now, officially I'm still "thinking things over." For the fact that I'd have to go into mass production, LOL. If you are separated, you aren't doing anything wrong. One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. When you feel guilty for hurting someone you love, holding in those feelings makes it worse. (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. I certainly wouldnt throw him under the bus -just yet. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. A relationship with a man is supposed to be specifically platonic, says YouTuber David Godinez, while filmmaker James Rath says that men are told not to be physically intimate. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. This of course over a year ago. He never says this so I knew it was something serious. Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. However, before you choose option 3, you need to talk to the person you kissed when you are sober again and make sure that the other person has strong feelings for you, too. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]." What if your husband ever found out? By clicking 'Submit' or otherwise submitting this form you agree to the, By entering this site you declare End of story. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Social media, the Internet, texting and so on. 10 Things You Didn't Know About Guilt | Psychology Today Life's a bleedin' mystery, ain't it? And for science-based tips for managing guilt, check out my book, Emotional First Aid. 07/12/2015 22:05. This guy wouldnt take money from me (I should have seen this as a Red Flag, but didnt), so I bought him opera scores in order to compensate him for his time and expertise. You had too much to drink and you kissed someone who wasnt your boyfriend or your girlfriend. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop). Or does it mean something bigger in terms of my own relationship? Wife of 8 years straddled and flirted with my friend last night while drunk My Girlfriend Kissed Another Guy whilst Black-Out Drunk. For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. If it in the meantime hits a nerve and makes you uncomfortable or even gets you all het up, that's your problem, not mine. That tells you that even if you think you are not showing any signs of being attracted to someone, peoples S/Os have a since of whats going on! I speak from experience when I say that when that intimacy starts to die, it can be the start of the end. But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. Me, I can't believe committing adultery isn't an actual crime yet. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. My SO and I had been dating two years. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. So - no - if I feel like entertaining myself, I only have to think of my favourite joke about, what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? You're not attracted to him? We lived in a small town at the time, and it felt like avoiding this girl was nearly impossible. I wanted to go further with him, but I didnt nor did he push for anything more. The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. I dont drink, but had i been drinking i would have chosen home is the best place to be vulnerable lol! Should I ask him for gas money? You might come to the conclusion that something is lacking in your primary relationship, and you might decide to break up with your partner and pursue the person whom you kissed while drunk. However most people don't have a commitment that SOULMATE has with her husband that they will be 100% Honest with each other NO MATTER WHAT! 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted. Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. It didn't feel real. I feel horrible. I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. I dont believe in innocent kiss. If this is bothering you, then tell him. Years after my divorce the one thing that still makes me really angry is that my XH should have ended the marriage as thats what he wanted. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. I didnt want to cheat on him and I made up my mind it wouldnt happen again. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship.